Depression has a way of slowly killing you while at the very same time feels so warm and comforting; like an asbestos-lined blanket keeping you warm on a cold and wet day. It’s hard sometimes to take the leap and face the cold.
Just over two months ago, I began a new photography project. It was mid-winter and I was depressed. I have been for a while. I felt I had neither the drive nor the desire to create images beyond the odd snapshot under the not-so-clever guise of “depicting my daily life”. The images were disconnected, lacked emotion, and really weren’t all that interesting. I couldn’t work on any of my on-going projects as the weather didn’t allow for it, and found I just couldn’t seem to get myself out of the house for the ones I could work on. I had forged an even stronger bond with my three cats and I realized I was severely lacking human/social contact.
Even though it’s been almost three years since I moved to Montreal, this city will never really feel like home to me. I belong under big skies and in open fields, not amongst skyscrapers and concrete. Sometimes I think I can really love this city. There is so much culture and vibrancy here, and part of me thinks it quite neat to be part of the fabric that makes up this historical city. Yet other times I want to run away screaming and never look back. I really just want to find my place within this mess, to find where I belong.
And so we arrive at my latest photography project: for one calendar year I will visit as many festivals as the city of Montreal has to offer and photograph the diversity of the people I observe within the events, while coercing myself out from under my blanket and excite my senses once again. Through this, I will face many challenges as both a photographer and an individual, hopefully to come out on the other end with a broader view of the world around me and a deeper connection with the millions of people stumbling around this island with me.
I will continue to write about my experiences here, and I will post pictures from time to time so check back often. I hope that anyone who reads this finds it enjoyable, inspiring, and maybe even gets a laugh or two out of it.